2 Star Review By Peter A. Sellers “Laladien”
Handerpants are very, very comfortable – more so than a traditional glove. They provide my knuckles with a decent amount of support and I never, ever find myself having to adjust them in public. While I have had a few cases of “swamp hand”, especially on warmer days, the overall comfort level remains high. Loose fitting gloves have always been more of a problem, but now, with Handerpants, my hairy knuckles are gently cradled by the soft lining and I no longer have to be concerned when running.
HOWEVER -
These things are very, very susceptible to staining and, after consuming a relatively melty chocolate bar, I was ridiculed for having skid marks on my hands. If only these gloves came in other colors!
Nothing is more embarrassing than having people point at the guy who looks like he doesn’t know how to properly wipe his hands!
5 Star Review By Robert D. Walton “Wolf Heart”
I mean, I always wanted my crotch and my hands to have more in common, now they do!
5 Star Review By DELFIN J PARIS III
As a genetic bio-engineer, I am working on architecting the growth of organs and appendages via biological induction grafting. For you dummies, that means I do things like grow human ears on mice. It’s super cool.
One day I fell asleep at work, in the lab, and a couple of the office knuckleheads decided to prank yours truly. Here’s what went down. See, we had this dick in the freezer – some Japanese guy kicked off and donated it to us. It’s in his will and everything. Pretty wild, right?
So, other than occasionally pulling it out of the fridge and sticking it in Benny’s ear for a goof, it doesn’t get much action.
Currently we’re working on growing a thumb – it’s pretty great because all the mice look like they’re doing the Fonz’s “Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy” as they have a big thumb sticking up on their backs.
Because we’re so tied up with the thumb, we have no time to mess around with the freezer dick. Eventually we’ll learn how to grow dicks, although more people need new thumbs than dicks, you know?
But, back to my story.
I passed out around noon after a particularly heavy Arby’s beef and cheddar lunch. It was one of those five-for-five deals, and I put down the sandwiches in about seven minutes.
When I woke up, Carl was pointing at my hand and laughing. Those bozos has grafted the Japanese dick to my right palm!
Well, two weeks later and the dick’s still attached. Apparently my body has “accepted” the dick, and if I have it removed, it’ll die or something.
I know – totally bummed.
I reported Carl to HR – although, I did have to admit it was a pretty solid gag. But, walking around with a dick on my hand is a little inconvenient. Plus, it’s embarrassing.
Most people don’t like seeing dicks in public – there’s actually a lot of trouble you can get in showing you dick around town. It’s a big deal to the law.
I found the Handerpants on Amazon. It sucks to type with a dick on your hand, as I’m always hitting the “/” key accidentally.
I can now go out into public with ALL of me. My real dick and my palm-dick are both out of sight. And the gloves are fingerless, so I have a little hipster fashion thing going on.
Thank you Handerpants!
Attention public – if you see me walking around, do NOT give me a high five. That really hurts!
4 Star Review By a. chigurh
Meh. These are ok, but I have “big hands” if you know what I’m sayin’, so I’m hoping for a pouch design that will help alleviate the unsightly palm bulge that has left me more than a little embarrassed on several occasions. Also, I wouldn’t mind seeing a thong design for the warmer months. Nothing’s worse than having a sweaty hand leave obvious streaks across your hand skivvies.
