Pens
5 Star Review by Alan E. Schmidt:
This pen may have magical powers. Since this pen arrived and bonded with me I have not misspelled one word. My penmanship looks like the Declaration of Independence and I sketched 2 exact replicas of Van Gogh’s Starry Night.
This pen to me is like Harry Potter and his magic wand. Without it we are both worthless. Just like Harry’s wand did for him, this pen also saved my life.In a staff meeting last week everyone was preparing to take notes. Eyes floated around the room and we were all sizing each other up. Checking out each others’ writing utensils and paper selection for this important meeting. Jaws dropped when I unveiled my new uni-ball Signo Gel 207. A new leader of the pack was emerging. I slowed my actions for a dramatic effect and saw the guy two seats down drooling on the conference room table. Everyone was in awe. Everyone, that is, except McDoogal. Smug and smiling McDoogal pulled out his now famous Scripto Glide Writer with the anti slip grip. We locked eyes. It was on… it was on like Donkey kong. Not today you inferior imitation accountant. This challenge would be legendary. No one had challenged McDoogal in 3 years. Poor Johnson, he still suffers from sporadic hand cramps.
The presentations started fast and furious. New tax law, changes to filing dates, deadlines, form requirements, database changes. It was a blur. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a wisp of smoke from McDoogal’s paper. Tragedy struck me, flipping pages I sustained a slight paper cut. McDoogal saw my injury happen and his confidence soared. Sweat stung my paper cut. My uni-ball Signo Gel 207 sensed my injury and stepped up to pick up the slack. The uni-ball Signo Gel 207 and I were now one. One writing instument. One tool. Yeah, thats it, we were one big tool. The end happened quickly, McDoogal’s hand seized up. I had seen that look before… the start of carpal tunnel syndrome. The mighty had fallen. I blew on the tip of my pen like a smoking gun. The room erupted in cheers and my fellow accountants carried me out of the conference room on their shoulders.
The rest of the day was slaps on the back, hearty handshakes, and females leaving their phone numbers on my desk. I was not going to call any of them. The only love I needed was my uni-ball Signo Gel 207.The parking garage was silent that night. I got an eerie feeling walking toward my car. The Signo Gel 207 began to vibrate as if it too sensed the danger. I heard the distinct unmistakable sound of a pen being depressed. McDoogal. There was rage on his face and he had the puffy eyes of a man who had been crying… a lot. I pulled my Signo Gel 207 and prepared for battle. It was a knife fight gone horribly wrong…. because it was with pens.. wielded by two guys with the fighting prowess of a stuffed teddy bear.
I won’t go into detail except to say the uni-ball Signo Gel 207 and I were victorious. I marked him up good. It looked like he had been dipped in ink. He finally curled up in the fetal position and accepted his fate. I smell a promotion in my near future.
Thanks magical pen!
