Poop Sccop
5 Star Review by Alan E. Schmidt:
The versatile 32″ poop scoop is my life. It means as much to me as a racecar means to a NASCAR driver. Without the car they are just a bunch of rednecks on foot, running 500 laps in a big circle wearing colorful outfits and helmets. Their fan base would drop by at least a dozen.
I am a level 6 turd removal specialist. Certified by the Defecation Society. With the 32″ poop scoop I finally had the confidence to go for the top prize… level 7. Along with that comes the title of “King of the Colon Cannonballs”. Only three have achieved this level, ever. It is only awarded to one person every 5 years. I KNOW that I am poop royalty with the 32″poop scoop.
I discovered that there would be one other going for this coveted title. My feces foe better not be packing the 32″ poop scoop… or there will be trouble. The judges or commonly known as the crap committee arrived, the course was laid out, and it was set to begin. I double checked my gear one last time as I awaited my manure master opponent. Soccer cleats, polyester short shorts, brown tank top, and my lucky jazzercise head band. Ready for action.My dirt sausage enemy pulled up in a limo. McDoogal. I should have known. We’ve been battling for years on the semi pro Brown Eye league. I smiled as he walked up, for a scooper he was using the Butt Snake 6000. Amateur. His smile disappeared when he saw my 32″poop scoop. Game on you turd tunnel.
The action started fast – dry, soft, large, small, draggers, sliders, every kind of excrement you could think of. I was 3 loads in the lead and on my last pile when I saw it. Great Dane diarrhea. The 32″ poop scoop was helpless against this demon of the digestive track. I panicked. I screamed and sprinted toward McDoogal. It had to be a set up. We squared off like two Olympic fencers going for the gold. He got me with a poop smear across the chest just before I swung like Babe Ruth in the bottom of the 9th. Game over, lights out, call the paramedics. The result was ugly, the diarrhea in the poop scoop exploded upon impact. It was like a booty cake grenade.
The 32″ poop scoop was flawless. Not one dent. You can use this for poop pick up or hand to hand combat. I was disqualified for the knockout and remain hopelessly at level 6. The judges have filed a restraining order. I have also developed an intense dislike for Great Danes. There is one bright side to all this… McDoogal was dropped to a level 5 due to his poor pooper scooper combat skills. HA, he should have invested in the 32″ poop scoop.
