Hey guys,
The Holy Bible
I while ago, I published some amusing reviews of The Holy Bible…well, here’s some more for the same book (but with a different product code 
1 Star Review by Voss:
The first half of this novel includes a lot of gratuitous sex and violence, which is not necessarily a bad thing. But it then seems to degenerate into endless racism and sexism. The second half, while slightly more coherent, is plodding.
5 Star Review by Jacqueline Boss:
This Comedy-Fantasy is one of my favorites to read when I’m having a bad day, along with the Monty Python and the Holy Grail transcript! King James is a comedic genius rivaling Ricky Gervais and will surely be remembered as such for generations to come.
The plot follows the antagonistic character God, an angsty old man hungry for power, who becomes bored in his isolation and so creates a magical world where he places a naked man and a woman, but neglects to tell them the difference between right and wrong. He puts a magic forbidden apple on a tree and places a magic snake to tempt the naked people to eat the magic apple, apparently forgetting that he forgot to teach them what it means to be “wrong” about trusting the snake and eating the apple- so they eat the apple, and then the fun really begins!
Follow God through the years as he overcomes obstacles such as figuring out how to kill off the human race, impregnating a married woman, and being generally disliked by the majority of the world’s population!
With countless stories about incest, murder, rape, violence, and genocide OK’d by God, The Holy Bible is a laugh a minute! I just love that every hotel I visit already has The Holy Bible laid out for me, where I can easily reach it if I am feeling homesick and need a quick pick-me-up.
::SPOILER ALERT::
The character Satan fill’s the role of God’s avasary. Satan and God both enjoy killing people- in the end however, with his all-powerful and all-knowing magical powers, God racks up thousands of kills while Satan is barely able to boast a handful!
The next time you find yourself a hankerin’ for a Saturday night box office comedy, consider a cheaper alternative. Stay home and read the Bible.
3 Star Review by W. Christian:
For those of you who don’t know, this is God’s second novel after the Old Testament. It’s a marked improvement, in my opinion. He got rid of a lot of his previous angst and scorn, and has really begun to show some of the maturity present in his later works. He’s become a much more loving and kind God, and, noticeably, he doesn’t throw nearly as many tantrums as he did in the first book.
That said, there is still vast room for improvement. Plot wise, there isn’t really much suspense, and the story can be incredibly repetitive. In like four chapters, he just rewords the same basic story over and over again. To top that off, he puts those chapters one right after the other. Like we wouldn’t notice! I like the whole Jesus character, but let’s face it, the whole good guy martyr thing has been done before. There was no need to devote so much of the book to that guy.
If you’re really looking for a good God read, check out the Koran or the Book of Mormon. They’re much more polished. Plus, the storytelling in the Book of Mormon is wild. Some people say it goes too far and point to it as evidence that God’s over the hill, but I beg to differ. Just read it. God’s like a genius or something. I mean, magic spectacles! Tell me that isn’t awesome. I don’t know how he dreams up some of this crap.
